Lemuel goes to War, but is forced to Make Love.
Northampton, Cock and Bull Inn, Friday the 7th of September, 1703 
THE empire of Blefuscu is an island situated to the North North-East side of Lilliput, from whence it is parted only by a Channel of eight hundred yards wide.
Keen on his mission of annihilation, Lemuel consulted the most experienced seamen, upon the depth of the channel, which they had often plumbed, and they told him that in the middle at high-water it was seventy Glumgluffs deep (about six foot of European measure.) They said that the rest of the channel was fifty Glumgluffs deep, at most.
Armed with this intelligence, and with that only, Lemuel embarked upon the North-East Coast over against Blefuscu. Lying down behind a hillock, he took out his pocket perspective-glass, and viewed the enemy's fleet at anchor.
It consisted of about fifty Man of Wars, and a great number of transports.
But he had a plan.
Lemuel returned to his Temple, and established there a command post, from which he gave order (for which he had a warrant from the Emperor) for a great quantity of the strongest cable and bars of iron. The cable was about as thick as packthread, and the bars of the length and size of a knitting needle. Lemuel trebled the cable to make it stronger, and for the same reason twisted three of the iron bars together, binding the extremities into a hook.
He was quite gratified to see the admiration of the many Lilliputians who came to follow this massive operation, waving Lilliputian flags and singing the national anthem whenever any of Gulliver’s feats overwhelmed them. (Lemuel had a terrible ear, so he could not really repeat this song properly, but the lyrics were something like:
So long as there is the earth and the heavens;
So long as the world endures;
So long as there is life in the world;
So long as a single Lilliputian breathes;
There will be this Lilliput.
And the arrows red glare, the spears bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that Lilliput’s flag was still there.
O say, does that Lilliput banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Strongly fought for, fiercely contested,
You are in the center of the Seas
Like a strong heart,
You have borne since the earliest days
The burden of a high mission,
Much tried Lilliput.
Our hearts will defy death itself!
O adored Fatherland,
Cherished and revered,
All hail! All Hail!
God save our gracious Emperor,
Long live our noble Emperor,
God save the Emperor!
Send him victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us,
God save the Emperor!
It took a whole week, during which time Bolgolam was constantly nagging Lemuel to be quicker, while achieving the opposite effect. Lemuel was ever so confused and terrorised by Bolgolam, that he botched his task miserably, as soon as he heard Bologna’s screams.
Finally, having thus fixed fifty hooks to as many cables, Lemuel went back to the North-East Coast, and putting off his coat, shoes, and stockings, walked into the sea in his leathern Jerkin, about half an hour before high water. He waded with what haste he could, and swam in the middle about thirty yards till he felt ground; he arrived at the fleet in less than half an hour.
When he swam near enough to the Blefuscudian bay, careful to keep his head in the water, only his eyes peeping, to prevent being detected too soon, he was surprised to see that all the ships were deserted.
Fearing a trap, he raised his head a bit and scanned the shore and city walls.
His jaw dropped in utter surprise and he nearly choked: all the roofs of the city, for as far as he could see, were populated with little naked women, bidding him to come nearer!
In amazement, he rose out of the water, to get a better view.
As they saw this gigantic figure emerging from the sea, dripping water, algae and fish, those thousands of naked women fell on their backs in fear and surprise.
It was then that Lemuel saw the thousands of men, who were standing behind the women, holding fans of all sizes and waiving them vigorously.
He could not but appreciate the stratagem: obviously his existence in Lilliput was no secret, and all of Blefuscu heard of his prowess. Realising that they could not fight him, they resolved to conquer him with temptation. And when Lemuel waded, dazed, toward this inviting mob, he understood the purpose of the fans: he was soon engulfed with the most enchanting scent of women’s love-juices.
“Come! Come!” they were all bidding him, pointing to the right. His eyes followed their direction, and he saw a large field, on the edge of which thousands more women and men were standing, naked, waving, inviting.
Stumbling in that direction, as if under a spell, Lemuel just collapsed to the ground, looking in amazement at the swarm of people running towards him.
Was this a trap?
That was his last thought, before he felt the touch of the first Blefuscudian on his body. Despite his curiosity to see more, he could not help but surrender to these sweet, new sensations, of thousands of tiny hands, legs, bodies, breasts, mouths, tongues, asses, pricks, rubbing, pressing, hugging, licking every part of his submitting body.
Lying on his back, afraid to move lest he would crush his new lovers, he heard soft, enchanting music and dived even deeper into this bliss. Lemuel opened lazily one eye and saw the Blefuscudians taking turns at admiring his love toy, like ants, forming a line going up and down. Other Blefuscudians, who were not making love to him, were vigorously engaged with one another in all possible combinations.
The unceasing hugs, pressures, tiny kisses and squeezes on his shaft and testicles finally took their toll and Lemuel reached the peak of his pleasure, groaning and laughing at the same time. The awe that struck the Blefuscudians fed their frenzied lust and almost as one, they all came, content and consumed, and collapsed where they were, on top of him, beside him, inside each other.
A few moments later they recovered, and as they got dressed, Lemuel was expecting to discern their social positions, according to the quality of their dress, but he could not detect any major fashion differences.
“Welcome to Blefuscu” Said one Blefuscudian.
“It is our pleasure to have you here,” said another woman, “and to pleasure you!” said many others, clapping and cheering.
“Thank you, indeed” said Lemuel “It is a pleasure to be welcomed by you, kind folk.”
“And you are welcome to stay, of course,” many called out.
Which was the moment Lemuel remembered his mission and the oath he made on the Lullupiter Lapis.
He was considering what would be the most polite way to leave the festivities and steal the ships.
While he was pondering this etiquette, sitting in that Field of Love, Lemuel was briefed about the views on politics as seen from the Blefuscudian shore.
Being so remote from the influence of other societies, and recognising the failings of the Lilliputians, the Blefuscudians developed quite a unique and seemingly (to European’s mind) a perverted society, which turned human morals up-side down.
Possessing healthy instincts for the good life, and a nihilistic approach to fears and worries, the Blefuscudians conceded that by collaborating and accommodating each other, they would all flourish to enjoy their good lives.
The Blefuscudians were able farmers and grew enough food to sustain them all. Despite the Lilliputian embargo, there were still lively contacts between the two nations, not only in the form of Lilliputian refugees, but also in the form of Lilliputian smugglers.
The Blefuscudians were in want of nothing, except for Cannabaceae, which they did not succeed to grow in Blefuscudian soil.
As they described their life and habits of commerce, suddenly Lemuel grasped what were the reasons for the strange behaviour and insistent questioning of the Emperor, Bolgolam and Reldresal.
As soon as the Blefuscudians told him about the habits of the smugglers, it came to him like a lightening, the reason why they were all so adamant that he should find out what was going on at nights, on the shores of Lilliput.
The Emperor, Bolgolam and Reldresal were each running his own smuggling band!
The Blefuscudians were rolling in laughter when they told Lemuel how, when the bands would bring the merchandiדe to Blefuscu, a Cannabaceae party would be announced and the smugglers would join the fun, smoke and sex.
Back in Lilliput, the smugglers would claim that the other band robbed them of the revenues. It worked for a while, but after a number of years the suspicions of the Emperor, Bolgolam and Reldresal were aroused.
They had no way of finding out what was going on, since they could not reveal to each other, to the Court and the Lilliputian population, that they were involved in breaking the Embargo, and trafficking drugs.
Life was good in Blefuscu, the Blefuscudians contentedly conceded to Lemuel. Word of the Blefuscudian good life did leak to Lilliput, and that accounted for the constant flow of Lilliputian refugees.
“But who is taking care of you? Who is ruling you?” Lemuel was totally baffled.
A roar of laughter rose when they heard that question.
“We take perfectly good care of ourselves. We are free people. We surely need no Ruler!”
The Blefuscudians’ naïveté quite touched Lemuel’s heart, he told me, and he could not find it in him to explain to them the grave political mistakes which they are making. He also did not find it in his heart to steal their ships. By the way – those were not Man of Wars. No, they were simple fishing vessels. What Lemuel mistook as canons were but thick rods, to catch Sardines.
Though he solemnly swore to the Lilliputian Emperor just the other day to return with the Blefuscudian fleet, he was suddenly overwhelmed, in his heart (and with his body) by surging emotions towards those little, friendly people.
Strangely, their peacefulness and utter trust in him quite demilitarised his spirits.
Instead of feeling shame at the loss of his valour, he was filled with vigour, as he plotted his next move.
He suggested to the Blefuscudians that he would fake their defeat, and transport their fleet to Lilliput, and then convince the Emperor to issue Peace with the ‘defeated’ island.
The Blefuscudians could not care less, as long as he would help them build new vessels, so that they could go on fishing. Before Lemuel set back to Lilliput, he chopped down a good quantity of trees and transported them to the Blefuscudian shipyard, where, he was reassured, within a fortnight they would be able to replenish their fleet and eat fish again.
Another angle on the world, in which Blefuscu is north of Lilliput, but underneath it, as it should be.
Artist: Luis Quintanilla (1893-1978)
Some of the numerous Lilliputians, heartily singing their Anthem..
Artist: Andrea Mantegna (1431-1506)
The inaccurate depiction of Lemuel's arrival in Blefuscu.